Twelve Days of Red-Neck Christmas
12 pack of Bud 11 rasslin tickets 10 a Copenhagen 9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 pack of Redman 6 cans of spam 5 FLANNEL SHIRTS…. 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 hunting dogs and parts to a Mustang GT…
Martha Stewarts Guide for Rednecks
1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed it’s time to change sheets. 5. Even if you’re CERTAIN that you are included in the will [...]
An English/Chinese Interpreter
• Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding? • Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni • Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan? • I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni • Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting? • An unauthorized execution Lin Ching [...]
Things You’d Never Hear a Southern American Say
• I thought Graceland was tacky. • No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe. • Do you think my hair is too big? • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? • The tires on that truck are too big. • I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. • [...]
Irish Brothers
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, “You know, a pint [...]
Delicious Chewing Gum
A Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him. The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation. American: “Do you eat the whole bread?” French (in a bad mood): “Of course!” American: “We don’t. We only eat what is inside and the outside [...]
Defining the Americans
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car. We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs. We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it [...]
Birth Rate
An Alabama couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision — why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had [...]
Why England will never win soccer World Cup
Swedish fan: Portuguese fan: Paraguay fan: Italian fan: Dutch fan: Brazilian fan: English fan:
The Official Language of the EU
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known [...]