That was funny

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied [...]

Point at someone with your index finger.
Yawn without covering your mouth.
Or excusing yourself.
Blow your nose in public.
Make the peace sign.
Wink at women.
Touch someone while talking to them.
Walk between two talking people.

Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences.
Here’s what he handed in:
HONOR ROLL - We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
PLANET - I got me some seed [...]

How to identify a Canadian driver:
1. - One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL
2. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO
3. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA
4. - Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in [...]

Russian and American are talking over a drink. “When I am in a good mood I drive a car that is painted a light color,” says the American.  When I am busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. And when I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly [...]

Billy-Bob and Peggy-Sue got married and had a baby every year or less. After having their 11th child, the couple told the doctor that they were going to stop having babies as soon as they could figure out what was causing them. The doctor suggested to Billy-Bob that he try covering the organ before [...]

GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is [...]

Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived.
“Right at the end of Eucalyptus Road,” Billy Bob replied.
“Could you spell that for me please?” the operator asked.
After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, “How ’bout I just drag her on [...]

Russians asked Japanese to design a new department store. Japanese came up with an idea that all what are needed is just a huge building and two people to work in it.
- How’s that only two?
- One at the front door, to say: “There is nothing available!” And the other one at the exit: “Haven’t [...]