Adopted son
The backwoods couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called adn told them they had a wonderful Japanese boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way back home, they stopped by the local college to enroll in night courses. After [...]
Are you choking?
Out to lunch one day, the immigrants were having a fine time until Hymie began to gag. “I think I svallowed a bone,” Hymie gasped. “Hymie,” said Miklos, “are you choking?” “No, I am serious!”
Soup
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”
Anniversary
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied [...]
8 Ways to be annoying in Australia
Point at someone with your index finger. Yawn without covering your mouth. Or excusing yourself. Blow your nose in public. Make the peace sign. Wink at women. Touch someone while talking to them. Walk between two talking people.
Leroy’s homework assignment
Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here’s what he handed in: HONOR ROLL – We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL. PLANET – I got [...]
Canadian Driving
How to identify a Canadian driver: 1. – One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL 2. – One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO 3. – One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA 4. – Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet [...]
A Russian Ride
Russian and American are talking over a drink. “When I am in a good mood I drive a car that is painted a light color,” says the American. When I am busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. And when I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly [...]
Redneck Couple
Billy-Bob and Peggy-Sue got married and had a baby every year or less. After having their 11th child, the couple told the doctor that they were going to stop having babies as soon as they could figure out what was causing them. The doctor suggested to Billy-Bob that he try covering the organ before they [...]
Martha Stewart’s Rules for Rednecks
GENERAL 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you’re certain that you are included [...]