That was funny

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how [...]

My boss didn’t come into work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, “I just can’t see myself at work today.”

1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed on private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. They have a much tighter turning [...]

When design engineers get together they often talk about football.
When Middle management meet, they talk about tennis.
When top management meet they talk golf.
Conclusion: The higher you climb in the corporate ladder the smaller your balls become.

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what [...]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The [...]

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

A young guy walks into the local dole office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, “Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in drawing welfare month after month. I’d really much rather have a job”.
The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got [...]

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three [...]

Trying to determine why production had declined in a plant, an
efficiency expert asked the company’s human resources director, “How
many of your employees are approaching retirement age?”
“Well,” replied the director, “we haven’t got any going the other way.”