Product Wording
NEW – Different color from previous design. ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. EXCLUSIVE – Imported product. UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition. FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it. IT’S HERE AT LAST – Rush job. Nobody knew it [...]
Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, “Is this what I pay you for?” The manager replied: “No, sir, this I do free of charge.”
Software Engineer
A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car [...]
Real Engineers
Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday. Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.
25 Signs You Are an Engineer
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights. For you, it becomes a moral dilemma to decide whether to buy flowers for your girlfriend or spend money to upgrade the RAM on your computer. On the Alaskan Cruise, everyone else [...]
Ten Signs Your Accountant Is Nuts
Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically. Counts a family of possums living in your yard as dependents. Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant”. He laughs at the demand for an audit. He’s got a GST Form tattooed on his arm. In several places on your tax forms he’s written, “Give [...]
21 Signs You Work For a Global Company
You sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. You worked for the same company for four years and sat at more than ten different desks. You’ve been in the same job for four years and have had ten different managers. You see a good looking person and know [...]
The Best Law Enforcement
The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They [...]
Top 9 Reasons to Become a Nurse
9. Pays better than McDonald’s (though the hours aren’t as good.) 8. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms. 7. Needles: ’tis better to give than to receive. 6. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops … eventually. 5. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases. 4. Interesting aromas. 3. Courteous and [...]
Human Resources Helpful Hints
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in [...]