That was funny

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car [...]

Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.
For you, it becomes a moral dilemma to decide whether to buy flowers for your girlfriend or spend money to upgrade the RAM on your computer.
On the Alaskan Cruise, everyone else is on [...]

Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically.
Counts a family of possums living in your yard as dependents.
Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant”.
He laughs at the demand for an audit.
He’s got a GST Form tattooed on his arm.
In several places on your tax forms he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars”.
Insists [...]

You sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
You worked for the same company for four years and sat at more than ten different desks.
You’ve been in the same job for four years and have had ten different managers.
You see a good looking person and know it is a [...]

The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question [...]

9. Pays better than McDonald’s (though the hours aren’t as good.)
8. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.
7. Needles: ’tis better to give than to receive.
6. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops … eventually.
5. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.
4. Interesting aromas.
3. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear [...]

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If [...]

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria.
People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure [...]

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.”
“Well,” the young man replied, “in [...]