Three Solutions
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt [...]
How Many Programmers?
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware problem!
Programmer and The Frog
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back [...]
Questions About Unix
Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX: Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? Abbott: Yes, that’s correct. Costello: No, what is it? Abbott: Yes. Costello: So, which is the one? Abbott: No. ‘which’ is used to find the program. Costello: Stop this. Who are you? [...]
If Microsoft Was Jewish
1. Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC would get “Ferklempt”. 2. Hanukkah screen savers will have “Flying Dreidels”. 3. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. 4. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours. 5. Your “Start” button would be replaced with a [...]
The Internet
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was “GoofyMickeyMinniePluto” and so I asked why it was so long. “Because,” my son explained, “they said it had to have at least four characters.”
12-Step Internet Recovery Program
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, [...]
Engineer’s mind
Q: What will you get when you ask two software engineers to tell you a greatest common divisor of 18 and 28? A: 1) A software library that calculates the greatest common divisor of any number X and Y. 2) A software library that performs dozens of math operations on numbers 18 and 28.
10 Signs You Bought a Bad Computer
1. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. 2. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy. 3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car. 4. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”. 5. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long. 6. Whenever you turn [...]