You Know It Is Time To Turn Your Computer Off When…
1. A friend calls and says “How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!” 2. You forget how to work the TV remote control. 3. You see something funny and scream “LOL, LOL.” 4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said “You’ve got Mail!” 5. You sign off [...]
What programmers say when their programs don’t work
That’s weird… It’s never done that before. It worked yesterday. How is that possible? It must be a hardware problem. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash? There is something funky in your data. I haven’t touched that module in weeks! You must have the wrong version. It’s just some unlucky [...]
How to mess with your coworkers
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.” Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.” If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic [...]
Top 10 Signs Someone Plays Too Many Video Games
10. They ask for all their money in quarters. 9. They’re not sure what season, or year it is. 8. They’re best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends). 7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards. 6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits [...]
Worrying About Errors
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: “Can’t you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!” The boy replies back: “Darling, I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry [...]
F1
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting “F1 F1″ and nobody understood it.
A System Programmer
A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: “Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS”. “G.O.O.D” answered his wife.
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
10) Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. 9) It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car. 7) It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”. 6) The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long. 5) Whenever you turn it [...]
Relationships
A doctor, a lawyer and a programmer were discussing if it’s better to have a wife or a girlfriend. Lawyer: “A girlfriend is better. If you divorce your wife, that’s causing a lot of problems.” Doctor: “A wife is better. That’s secure so you don’t have to worry so much.” Programmer: “You need both. When [...]