That was funny

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl [...]

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
“Hey, don’t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn’t you see the giant warning on the box?!”
“That’s OK” says the guy, puffing casually “I’m a computer programmer”
“So? What’s that [...]

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer [...]

Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.
FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.
FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOL: A delivery van. It’s bulky and ugly but it does the [...]

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and a programmer were discussing the theorem that all odd numbers are prime.
Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. The theorem is false.
Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not, 11 is…. The theorem is true, within [...]

Drug dealers:
Refer to their clients as “users”.
“The first one’s free!”
Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Strange jargon: “Stick”, “Rock”, “Dime bag,” “E”.
Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes.
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
Their product causes [...]

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this [...]

Tech Support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”
Customer: “Are you crazy woman, it’s twenty below outside!”

In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot ran back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for [...]