Diagnosing Car Trouble
Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops. The three atonished men try to solve the problem: The physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque. It has overloaded the elasticity limit of the main axis. The engineer [...]
The Top 10 Philosophy Questions of All Time, Answered!
10. How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard. 9. What is the essence of being human? Not understanding the opposite sex. 8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows. [...]
Where to Publish Your Paper
1) If you understand it and can prove it, then send it to a journal of mathematics. 2) If you understand it, but can’t prove it, then send it to a physics journal. 3) If you can’t understand it, but can prove it, then send it to an economics journal. 4) If you can neither [...]
A Wife or A Mistress?
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems. The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the [...]
A Mathematician, an Engineer, and a Physicist
A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are being interviewed for a job. In each case, the interview goes along famously until the last question is asked: “How much is one plus one?” Each of them suspects a trap, and is hesitant to answer. The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says “I’m not sure, [...]
Grilled Geologist
A man goes into a restaruant, sits down and starts reading the menu. The menu says: Broiled Accountant $5.95 per plate Fried Engineer $7.95 per plate Toasted Teacher $7.95 per plate Grilled Geologist $25.95 per plate The man calls a waiter over and asks “Hey, why does the Grilled Geologist cost so much more?” The [...]
Never Mix Chemistry and Computer Programming
Proof that chemistry and computer programming should never be mixed When I was in grad school, a classmate and I decided that a very dirty computer keyboard needed cleaning. We figured that water would be dangerous to the electical circuitry, so we elected to clean the keyboard with acetone. We were right; the electrical circuitry [...]
A Few Reasons Why Astronomy Is Better Than Sex
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in view. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. Nobody cares if you are ugly. 7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you a view (thru their goto?). 6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone [...]
A Simpleton’s Guide to Science
Relativity : Family get-togethers at Christmas Gravity : Strength of a glass of beer Time travel : Throwing the alarm clock at the wall Black holes : What you get in black socks Critical mass: A gaggle of film reviewers Hyperspace : Where you park at the superstore
Physics Exam Answer
I am a research and teaching assistant at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, Switzerland. Just recently, we corrected the written exams of about 160 first-year physics students. One of the exam problems consisted in calculating the length of a bungee cord so that the jumper would just touch the water at the [...]