The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students
10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street. 9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article. 8. My work has a lot of practical importance. 7. I wouldn’t never date an undergraduate. 6. Your latest article was so inspiring. 5. I turned down a [...]
You know you’re in college when
High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”. You have more beer than food in your fridge. Weekends start on Thursday. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese. The health center gives [...]
50 Fun Things to Do at an Exam
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!” 3. If it is [...]
Flat Tire
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor [...]
Education
Sometimes it seems that what we study in college doesn’t have much relation to what we end up doing for a living. Following is a list of various degrees, as well as what graduates actually end up doing after earning them. Computer Science College Spend most of your time in a dimly lit lab, playing [...]
LA High School Maths Exam
City of LAHigh School Math Proficiency Exam Name:________________ Gang:________________ 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he missed 6 out of 10 shots, and shoots 11 times at each drive-by, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells [...]
High school essays
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because [...]
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College Rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time [...]
Entrance Exam
College Entrance Exam: For Football Players You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify. 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau. 3. Would you ask [...]