That was funny

Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
Son, if you really want [...]

Cartman: I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!

Stan: That fat bitch won’t let us.
Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Stan: I said, “Rabbits eat lettuce.”
Mrs. Crabtree: Oh… Well, they certainly do.

Chef: What the hell do you think you’re doing in school eating Salisbury steak? Go find him, dammit!

Mrs. Cartman: You want some Cheesy Poofs, too?
Cartman: Yeah, I want [...]

Linda: “And so with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone’s mind is, who will be the president of Earth? Jack Johnson or bitter rival John Jackson. Two terrific candidates, Morbo?”
Morbo: “All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!”

Linda: “The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to it’s [...]

Bombs are flying
People are dying
Children are crying
Politicians are lying too.
Cancer is killing
Texaco’s spilling
The whole world’s gone to hell
But how are you?
I’m super
Thanks for asking
All things considered
I couldn’t be better I must say
I’m feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
Everything is super when you’re
Don’t you think I look cute in this hat
I’m so sorry
Mr. Cripple
But I just can’t [...]

Sheila: Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won’t obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse!
Sharon: Should we blame the government?
Liane: Or blame society?
Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV?
Sheila: No, blame Canada
Everyone: Blame Canada
Sheila: With all their beady little eyes
And flappin’ heads so full of lies
Everyone: Blame Canada
Blame Canada
Sheila: We [...]

Bender: “One of you will have to fill in for me while I’m gone.”
Professor Farnsworth: “Better yet, I’ll build someone to fill in for you.
Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monsters with
freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal…”
The boss: “Get a load of ball bearings on this guy.”
Bender: “You know the secret [...]

Professor: Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good
captain can’t have either one. That’s why cold, logical Bender
is perfect for the job.
Bender: Well, I do think of human life as expendable.
Paul: If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey,
I don’t wanna be right.
Give a hoot-o
Don’t pollute Pluto
Leela: Bender’s flying too low! And [...]

Kevin: My waffle’s done! My waffle’s done!
Mrs. McCormick: Now, Kevin, we ain’t got enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: Oh, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?

Cartman: Kenny’s family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.

Cartman: Yeah! I want Cheesy Poofs!

Cartman: Poor people [...]

Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot?
Professor: No. Why would I know that?
Fry: I want to see the edge of the universe.
Amy: Ooh, that sounds cool.
Zoidberg: It’s funny. You live in the universe by you
never do these things ’til someone comes to visit.
Fry: So, there’s an infinite number of parallel universes?
Professor: No, just [...]

Fry: “Maybe he has a parasite.”
Hermes: “Maybe he is a parasite.”
Bender to Zoidberg: “You’re looking less nuts, crabby.”
Leela: “It’s amazing that your people can fall in love so fast.”
Zoidberg: “Love? That word is unknown here. I’m simply looking for a female
swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material.”
Fry: “You and me both, brother.”
Fry: “Make up [...]