Kevin: My waffle’s done! My waffle’s done!
Mrs. McCormick: Now, Kevin, we ain’t got enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: Oh, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?
Cartman: Kenny’s family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
Cartman: Yeah! I want Cheesy Poofs!
Cartman: Poor people tend to live in clusters.
Cartman:God has told me how to make 10 million dollars!
Stan: How?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: I’m not being part of any faggy boy band.
Cartman: Theres nothing faggy about 10 million dollars, asshole.
Cartman: This is killing me. The human body was not meant to move quickly like that.
Mr. Garrison: Settle down, children. I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There’s a possibility that I’ll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. Yes, Stanley?
Stan: That’s okay with us.
Cartman: Yeah.
Stan: Yeah, that’s fine.
Mr. Garrison: No, it isn’t. It makes you very sad.
Cartman: The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmet and he spits in your eye.
Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross/I can’t help but think that he looks kinda’ hot.
Cartman: Well, Kyle, appreciate you being so open with me about this, but as we know, you have a warped perception of reality because you’re jewish.
Cartman: See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That’s why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny’s family because for them, $6.99 is two year’s income.
Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan (sarcastically): Yeah, that makes sense.
Cartman: We’re never gonna’ get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!
Kyle: Wait, isn’t there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Cartman: No, not when money’s involved, stupid.
Cartman: What kind of side dishes will we be enjoying this evening with our frozen waffles?
Cartman: French people piss me off.
Cartman: I got my period.
Cartman: Kyle, you’re being a Negative Nancy.
Cartman: So, I am to understand that there will be no side dishes tonight?
Cartman: Ma’am, we’re having a Dude moment here if you don’t mind.
Stan: But it was right here!
Cartman: Stan, lay off the cough syrup dude, I’m worried about you man.
Cartman: Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it?
Cartman: Am I to understand we will not be enjoying any side dishes with our frozen waffles?
Ooh ouch! Ma'am let go of that tight grip you have on my balls, you are breaking my balls Ma'am.
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