Cartman quotes

Kevin: My waffle’s done! My waffle’s done!
Mrs. McCormick: Now, Kevin, we ain’t got enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: Oh, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?

Cartman: Kenny’s family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.

Cartman: Yeah! I want Cheesy Poofs!

Cartman: Poor people tend to live in clusters.

Cartman:God has told me how to make 10 million dollars!
Stan: How?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: I’m not being part of any faggy boy band.
Cartman: Theres nothing faggy about 10 million dollars, asshole.

Cartman: This is killing me. The human body was not meant to move quickly like that.

Mr. Garrison: Settle down, children. I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There’s a possibility that I’ll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. Yes, Stanley?
Stan: That’s okay with us.
Cartman: Yeah.
Stan: Yeah, that’s fine.
Mr. Garrison: No, it isn’t. It makes you very sad.

Cartman: The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmet and he spits in your eye.

Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross/I can’t help but think that he looks kinda’ hot.

Cartman: Well, Kyle, appreciate you being so open with me about this, but as we know, you have a warped perception of reality because you’re jewish.

Cartman: See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That’s why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny’s family because for them, $6.99 is two year’s income.

Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan (sarcastically): Yeah, that makes sense.

Cartman: We’re never gonna’ get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!

Kyle: Wait, isn’t there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Cartman: No, not when money’s involved, stupid.

Cartman: What kind of side dishes will we be enjoying this evening with our frozen waffles?

Cartman: French people piss me off.

Cartman: I got my period.

Cartman: Kyle, you’re being a Negative Nancy.

Cartman: So, I am to understand that there will be no side dishes tonight?

Cartman: Ma’am, we’re having a Dude moment here if you don’t mind.

Stan: But it was right here!
Cartman: Stan, lay off the cough syrup dude, I’m worried about you man.

Cartman: Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it?

Cartman: Am I to understand we will not be enjoying any side dishes with our frozen waffles?