29 Bulb Jokes

  1. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Fifteen. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey until the room spins.
  2. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? – One to change it, and fifteen to form a support group.
  3. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb? – Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
  4. How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb? – Three. One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
  5. How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
  6. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? – Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
  7. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? – Only one, but it sure takes tons of light bulbs.
  8. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? – None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
  9. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? – You can unscrew a light bulb.
  10. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? – Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
  11. How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb? – 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GA8762439-001, Multi-Tasking Incandescent Source System Facility.
  12. How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Two. One to screw it in, and the other to say “Fabulous!”
  13. How many professors does it take to change a light bulb? – Only one, but they get three technical reports out of it.
  14. How many people from Calabria does it take to change a light bulb? – Three. One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
  15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? – None. That’s a hardware problem.
  16. How many public servants does it take to change a light bulb? – That’s proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
  17. How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
  18. How many “Real Men” does it take to change a light bulb? – None. “Real Men” aren’t afraid of the dark.
  19. How many “Real Women” does it take to change a light bulb? – None. A “Real Woman” would have plenty of real men around to do it.
  20. How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? – One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
  21. How many strong men does it take to screw in a light bulb? – 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.
  22. How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? – None. It turned itself in.
  23. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? – None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.
  24. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? – Fifty-one. One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
  25. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? – How many can you afford?
  26. How many football players does it take to change a light bulb? – The entire team! A team is only as good as its weakest link.
  27. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? – I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
  28. How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? – Just one, provided there’s a programmer around to explain how to do it.
  29. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
    • That depends on whether it has health insurance.
    • None. They just tell it to take two aspirin and come round to the surgery later.
    • None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
    • None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzodiazapines.
    • Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
    • Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.