Breaking Up Is Hard
Psychology: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
Sociology: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
Religion: Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God
Archaeology: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
Theatre: “OH MY GOD! Life is… ENDED… as we KNOW it!”
Biology: “You just wanted to get in my genes!”
Physics: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
Journalism: “Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks…”
Women’s Studies: “HE did it!”
Business: Both decide that they’re spending way too much money together, and that it’s simply cheaper to be single.
Italian: “Mama Mia!”
History: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.
Geography: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.
Anatomy: “I never liked your body anyway.”
Economics: One party demands more than the other can supply.
English: Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn’t really say anything substantively intelligible.
Education: Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience.
Computing: “Man, this bytes — we just couldn’t interface” and/or “His hard drive was more like a floppy.”
E. Engineer: “It’s just so shocking… I’m sure there are positives and negatives, but…” [okay, yes, I know you’re groaning ;-)]
Architecture: “There just wasn’t much to build on anyway…”
Jewish Studies: “OY! You should feel so guilty!”
Philosophy: If 2 people break up in a dorm and there’s no one to witness the breakup, are they really single?
Zoology: They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated communication skills.
Phys. Ed.: They punch each other out in frustration.
Chemistry: They turn to hard drugs to relieve the pain.
Counseling: Each urges the other to “get help!”
Music: Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in Tennessee, a country song) to express his or her sorrow.
Law: They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.