Being old has some perks

  • There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.
  • Things that you buy now won’t wear out.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  • You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
  • You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them anyway.
  • You can sing along with elevator music.
  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
  • Your eyes won’t get too much worse.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you???? “
  • You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  • You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
  • In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
  • No one expects you to run — anywhere. You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.
  • You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.