70 Ways To Tell You’ve Been Online Too Long
1. Tech Support calls “YOU” for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL”.
3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
4. You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to
your significant other.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so “we can hang out”.
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. You’ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-
8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone
know you’re going to be away.
10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.
11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or
12. You have met over 100 AOLers.
13. You begin to say “heh heh heh” instead of laughing.
14. When someone says “What did you say?” you reply “Scroll up!”
15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.
16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won’t know
you’re on-line again.
17. You know more about your AOL friends’ daily routines than you do
your own spouses.
18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they
complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.
19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to
20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from
partying too much than the truth (online all night).
21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your
own profile to see who you are.
22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, “Mommy, please come and
cook” dinner and you would rather type another “LOL”.
23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at
the same time.
24. You won’t work at a job that doesn’t have a modem involved.
25. Your dog leaves you.
26. You have to ask what year it is.
27. You write a letter like this.. “dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta
28. You name your pets after people you talk to.
29. You smile sideways…
30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on
their buddy list.
31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore
32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.
33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you’re chatting & you
think “uh oh cyber sex perv”.
34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more
than a few hours.
35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).
36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.
37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.
38. Your worse comeback to a bully is “I’ll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!”
39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee.
40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.
41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL’s welcome
42. You don’t know where the time has gone.
43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by
44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer
45. You don’t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.
46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.
47. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and
48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is “BRB, leave your s/n &
I will TTYL”.
49. You type faster than you think.
50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing
therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.
51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.
52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.
53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up
your TV screen at the end of a movie.
54. People say, “If it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes &
fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!”
55. You dream in “text”.
56. Being called a Newbie is a “MAJOR” insult.
57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you’re really
58. You don’t want to leave in case you miss something.
59. You double click your TV remote.
60. You can now type over 70wpm.
61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.
62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else &
say “BRB” or “BBL”.
63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.
64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.
65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to
everyone in a room.
66. You stop speaking in full sentences.
67. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended
up “giving” tech support to other AOLers.
68. You have to be pried from your computer by the “Jaws of Life”.
69. You know what a “snert” is.
70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
to check your mail” & while there you “just wanted to see who was