6 rules for dieting

  1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
  4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count.
  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
  6. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories.
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