53 signs you might have a drinking problem

  1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
  3. Job interfering with your drinking.
  4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  5. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
  6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
  8. Two hands and just one mouth… - now THAT’S a drinking problem!
  9. When you can focus better with one eye closed
  10. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
  11. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
  12. You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
  13. If you keep asking your wife “where are the kids?”, but you don’t
  14. really have a wife and you’re talking to the refridgerator.
  15. You fall off the floor.
  16. You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.
  17. Had “Spuds McKenzie” tattoo removed, replaced it with “Red Dog.”
  18. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
  19. Beer: it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
  20. The glass keeps missing your mouth.
  21. Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
  22. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
  23. Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
  24. At AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
  25. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
  26. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right, stumble, fall.
  27. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom.
  28. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
  29. and Women.
  30. Every night you’re beginning to find your roomate’s cat more attractive.
  31. Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
  32. If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol
  33. calories.
  34. The bottle’s empty…that’s the problem!
  35. Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
  36. Roseanne looks good.
  37. Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
  38. You drink to get over a hangover.
  39. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
  40. Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.
  41. Newt Gingrich…. he’s soooo sexy.
  42. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the
  43. Fourth of July party in Waikiki.
  44. Red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman.
  45. Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join AA.
  46. The shrubbery’s drunk from frequent watering.
  47. Do you (your name) take this woman…..
  48. Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie, and Jose.
  49. Double vision so much the norm, you can’t function without it.
  50. You listen to the radio and start dancing to Hootie and the Blowfish.
  51. You can’t remember what your family looks like… or if you have a family.
  52. Haven’t stopped drinking since Carter got elected.
  53. You spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their collapse.
Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, 29 rules of dating for women, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary, The ten most wanted men, Think you have a cold day?, Secluded vacation, Witty ads from around the world, Cute babies, Perfect timing!, 15 ways to tell if someone is a teenager, Texas justice, 12 Lawyer Joke, Josh Groban | Noel

No Comments

Leave a Comment


trackback address


Browse by category

Latest new jokes

Gluten Free Diet - Achieving a Gluten-free Diet
Is Aspartame Harmful - If you're wondering whether or not aspartame is harmful, you may become overwhelmed and dispirited by the conflicting information about this artificial sweetener. You may want to believe aspartame is safe, but wonder if studies years from now will provid
NY Home Theatre Installers - The next evolution of home entertainment is the installation of a NY home theatre. Flat-screen technology and crisp, surround-sound audio are not only revolutionizing the way people view movies, but the way movies are made. Take advantage of these incre
Feng Shui - 7 Tips from a Feng Shui Expert: Feel Calm and in Control – Instantly!