18 rules for a guy

  1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
  2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
  3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    • When a heroic dog dies to save it’s master
    • The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
    • After wrecking your boss’ Ferrari
    • One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
  4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
  5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.
  6. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
  7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.
  8. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
  9. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional).
  10. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
  11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach….and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.
  12. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
    Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
    If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothin’.
  13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
  14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
  15. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
  16. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
  17. You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
  18. Finally…Always split aces and eights. No arguments!
Fabulous Russian cakes, Vegetable sculptures, Questions NOT to ask at the job interview, I will take two, New dean, Blackmail, Adopted son, Are you choking?, Watermelon art, Your Mom doesn’t pick favorites, 41 facts about Washington, Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Josh Groban | Noel

No Comments

Leave a Comment


trackback address


Browse by category

Latest new jokes

Niacin - Niacin B3 - a closer look at supplements.
Is Aspartame Dangerous - While no informed person would argue that aspartame is safe for those with phenylketonuria (PKU), a rare hereditary condition, the debate rages on when it comes to the rest of us. There are some, including many health experts, that consider aspartame a s
Long Island Home Theatre Installers - The choices available to Long Island consumers looking to install home theatres and/or flat-screen TVs today are simply incredible. The advent of flat-screen technology, in particular, has truly changed the way that the TV room (or any other room, for th
Vitamin B Complex - B-Complex Vitamins