“Ladies and Gentlemen, please be careful opening the overhead compartments after landings and items may have shifted during flight. As we all know, shift happens”

“In the unlikely event that this flight becomes a cruise, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device”

“Your flight crew is here for your safety and service so if you have any questions are would like anything…like a back rub, foot massage, please feel free to ask…the person sitting next to you.”